A Despair of Abyssal Proportions

Two days ago, I went to the beach. The waves were really wild, but I felt a connection to the sea, so strong that now I think that some sea deity owns me (I only learned to swim when I was 11, but I’ve never passed without the sea when I was to beach since I was a little girl).

But I can’t get my first job, so I can’t earn money! And I MUST come back and enter into the sea (or, at least, learn to play with the waves), because I’m not happy in land.

When I was at the beach, I felt I had a shield against the anxiety and the depression. But at home, I became extremely anxious again! Now I’m despaired, even though I don’t say anything.